the end of the epic

as i was packing up my things i realized that it would never be like this again. for all the craziness and awkwardness, stanford in washington is probably one of the most amazing experiences i've ever had. in three short months, i have rubbed elbows with the best the nation has to offer, lived with and learned from the most unique group of individuals i have come across, explored life in a city and taken the first step towards figuring out my life. i will always be able to look back and note the profound impact that this exhausting period had on shaping me as a scholar, friend, and individual. i will miss the city that i had begun to call my own and look forward to when i can return to the place where it all began.

let it snow let it snow let it snow

ok i know christmas is 20 days away but i feel like it has come early. yesterday the siw kids bundled up and went ice skating on the mall. most of us could hold our own out on the ice but there were a few skating pros and one or two who were just miserable. basically, we were embarrassing but it was glorious. that followed by a walk to the white house to see the national christmas tree and then watching the oc chrismukkah episode had me feeling like i was going to wake up to presents under the tree. and in a way, i did. i got a phone call this morning from the small business administration office of advocacy offering me an internship for the summer. and to top it all off at lunch today it started to snow. who knew i would have a white christmas in dc?

home sweet san diego

today is november 25. i walked outside my house this morning at 11 am in a skirt and a polo into perfect 75 degree sunshine. i drove to ricos with the windows down and sunroof open. i ate my california burrito and went to see rent with my little brother. i've been tooting dc's horn for quite some time now, but it doesn't get much better than this.

feng shui buses, the midge is belig and other funny tales

next time i get it in my head to take a bus up and down the east coast please talk me out of it. 4 hours to new york from dc, fine. 4 hours to boston the next day after a late night...ok, we struggled but we made it. 4 hours back to new york at 11 am followed by a subway ride uptown, a subway ride back downtown, wandering through chinatown and then another four hour bus back to dc all after a ridiculous two days with my favorites...a miracle. and masochistically enough, totally worth it. highlights include: the second bar in nyc that i mysteriously can't recall, kathleen's glorious dinner and coffee and drinks just waiting for ryan, tyler and i to arrive, 4 san diegans from different colleges wandering around boston at all hours of the night, ryan being smooth with the ladies, tyler being smooth with his id (sarcasm), the nightmare that was the bus back to new york. it was like spring break in november. good thing the trip was epic because i don't think my body, mind, soul, etc can handle doing it again.


and then last weekend jonny came. it was like he read my mind...all i wanted was some quality time with a friend. did the touristy thing while we chatted about our lives, futures, thoughts. got all dressed up and went to the opera. and then the magical night of beirut. i'm not sure if it was our sweet outfits or just our mad skills but we took everyone down that night. but the best part had to be in open city at around 2 am. we saw a little person who had had one too many. and despite our own states, nell managed to coin the phrase of a lifetime: the midge is belig. i'm not sure anything will ever be that funny again.

and now, its all coming to an end. work is wrapping up, final papers are approaching and it is getting colder.

thank goodness for florence.

the games we play

last weekend i finally saw the washington i expected. and unexpectedly, it didn't faze me. we spent our days putting on smiles and making small talk with big wigs. complaining to each other about insincerity and awkwardness but turning on the charm as soon as we saw a board member. and we were good. at night we tried to erase the memory of our facades by playing a new game entirely. we smiled, strutted and performed for a different audience. laughing and flirting, we acted untouchable.

i spent sunday lost in thought as i wandered the mall on day that put san diego to shame. and i knew that beneath the mascara and lip gloss, without cover from alcohol and smoky rooms, removed from the marble edifices and famous monuments, we all want the same thing. we want to be strong. we want to hold our own in a discussion with justice breyer. we want helen bing to remember us as amazing individuals. we want to have fun. we want to dress up on halloween and dance all night. we want to laugh at the situations we get ourselves into. we want to be loved. wholly and completely and without fear of loss or hurt. we don't want to wonder about how he feels. we want to be happy with today.

and if that means pretending, then we will.

scarves and smiles

ladies and gentlemen i am about to proclaim something i never expected to come out of my slightly chapped lips. "it is cold. and i LOVE it." now i know what you are thinking, oh cindy, that's hilarious. you are too funny. ok be serious. but i do! the weather indicator on my computer's dashboard dutifully reports that the current temperature is 52 degrees (i'm from san diego this is the equivalent of below freezing) and i want to shout from the rooftops: it's fall! it's crisp! everyone sing with joy!

now that i have confessed my secret crush on the cold i can apologize for my irresponsibility. 2 weeks since my last update. i have been threatened with loss of friendship and visits from the west coast if i continue to show such disregard for those who consistently use my little blog to procrastinate and/or light up their lives. i promise i will be better.

these past two weeks have been...everything. i have attended oral arguments at the highest court in the land, sat attentively through 15 hours of class, celebrated my last day of teenagehood at the symphony and rung in my first hours of adulthood at a karaoke bar. i have listened to the president speak (laughing to myself all along the way), as well as the former director of the CIA and the ambassador of singapore. i have led my first conference call as i reviewed my first federal regulation, written 2 papers and progressed as a k street pro/capital hill ho. i spent yesterday touring the white house grounds and gardens then walking home barefoot in the park.

and today i wrap my scarf and smile. it's cold.

rainy saturday

i feel like i am in a movie. i am sitting at my beautiful laptop staring out the window at the pouring rain just lost in my thoughts. it is simply poetic. and i think: living in this great city is so natural. wake up, coffee, metro, cruise past the white house into work, lunch with emma, more work, gym, dinner, class, perhaps a bar or some karaoke. it is so easy to slip into this groove. adrienne said that coming here would be like trying to merge onto a busy freeway. i merge like i've been making this drive my whole life. no thought involved. no second glances over my shoulder. so as i continue to watch the rain fall, i smile. if this is it, i am happy.

omb=my life

i was worried that coming to washington would put me in the very midst of the politics that i hate. somehow i managed to end up at one of the few places in the federal government that works to keep politicians in check without ulterior motives. the staff of the omb are career civil servants who have no constituency but the american people. imagine: reviewing regulations to be sure that the benefits (economic, social and environmental) exceed the costs. correcting market failures such as natural monopolies and externalities. informing policymakers of the optimal solution, whether or not it is what they want to hear. i am in economist heaven. no wonder it is the number one federal workplace (I'm not kidding...here is the link to the article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/13/AR2005091301705.html?referrer=emailarticle). for the first time in much too long I feel like I actually have direction. It's not exactly the easiest direction or the one I expected to be going in, but it definitely feels like the right one. Last weekend, we went to a play at the arena stage; "born yesterday" did not attempt to hide government corruption, but the moral was that we can work through and overcome it. I seem to have found my way of contributing.

the dc life

what a whirlwind. i've been here for over two weeks: it feels like nothing/it feels like i've been here all my life. there is so much to say but i guess i'll start with the house and the people. we live in an incredible house in Woodley park about 2 miles from the mall (that's the washington mall, home to the smithsonian, capitol, etc not abercrombie and nordstrom) The building was an old hotel before stanford (aka helen bing) bought and renovated it into our home, cafeteria, library, classroom and bar/club. it's in a wonderful neighborhood close to dupont circle which has a bunch of great restaurants and bars. we conveniently live across the street from a metro stop, making our early morning commutes quick and painless. the group living here is great and obviously extremely ambitious and intelligent. Dinner conversation can range from debating the democrats response to John Roberts' nomination to hilary's presidential ambitions to my favorite topic of social security reform and bush's ownership society. put 25 type As working all over the nation's capital at a dinner table and tempers are bound to flare. and let me tell you, these kids can drink as much as they can debate. 40 plus hours a week on top of class will give you a lot of steam to blow off when the weekend rolls around. in just 2 weeks the phrase "work hard and party harder" has taken on new meaning and become a mantra here at siw. as for work, i couldn't be happier. i wasn't quite sure what to expect from an agency called the office of the management and budget, white house nonwithstanding. just to clear things up, the omb is in the white house as in the institution not the white house proper. that does not prevent me from attending meetings next door or looking out the window into the White House property. in addition to our prime location, I work with some amazing people. most everyone did a masters in their policy area, if not a phd. On any given day i'll chat with a few experts in health policy, report to a phd economist and then make conversation with everyone over lunch. don't worry about it. but honestly, it is such a unique opportunity and i have been lucky enough to be spared the coffee fetching, copy making, phone answering, excessive filing that is every intern's nightmare (and not extremely uncommon). more later!

not in kansas, er, california, anymore

as my internet access has been rather limited for quite some time i have a lot to say. let me start with this: our country is funny. i arrived in dc a fresh faced girl ready to take on whatever this city could throw at me. three hours later i realized i had forgotten that the east coast means i'm not in california anymore. it means that it is quite possible to wait for 30 minutes while three subway employees attempt to make my sandwich. it means that when i ask for my sandwich to be grilled i get a flat out "NO" as opposed to a "sure, no problem" and a smile. it means dodging people in crowded areas to avoid being mowed down and not expecting an "i'm sorry" or "excuse me" if i do get knocked over. it means waiting almost an hour to be helped at the bank when all i wanted to do was open a checking account and then having my ear talked off as the rep attempted to cram the lost hour of customer service into the next 20 minutes. it's enough to make me laugh out loud. and i have. snickered, giggled, and outright snorted my way up and down the northeast. and then there was the shopping. i would like to point out just for the record that business attire was designed for men. for men and probably by men. ugly men. coupled with the conservative colors that working in dc demands (ironically reminiscient of a bruise), any attempts to appear remotely femine in a suit have been squandered by miles of pinstripes and racks full of frumpy jackets. in another life i hope to solve this problem by becoming a real life elle woods and bringing hot pink to the people of our nation's capital. somehow i feel my current position is not (forgive the pun) well suited to this endeavor. in the meantime i must content myself with the shoes, jewelry and other accessories that will scream "i am woman" even as my clothing shouts "i am donald trump". there is definitely more to come but siw orientation awaits my conservative, power suited presence.

packing?

on some good advice, i decided to update my blog instead of packing. funny...according to my sweet dashboard countdown i am leaving in 5 days. normally, this would not be so bad, however i have to manuever 19+ years worth of belongings into three suitcases no heavier than 70 pounds, keeping in mind that when i return i will have to do the same with 3 months of assorted trinkets as well. awesome. erb's visit last weekend was great...hopefully she saw enough of good old sd to entice her to move here after graduation. seriously though, other places are great but nothing is as fabulous as san diego. after seeing the good luck wishes for the rbv little league team on the avo's marquee, rocha and i agreed that sd has the community of a small town in the wonderfully boisterous city. and the temperate weather to boot. i mean i like big cities as much as the next girl but come on, life is great living 5 minutes from the beach. and we have the padres, the only team who manages to be in first place with a record less than .500. not much to brag about but hey we could be last. no wonder i don't want to pack, it means i'll have to leave another wonderful san diego summer behind. but all this being said i can't wait until my bags finally are packed and i head off to our nation's capital.

done and done

as you can see, i'm not very good at suspense. i even managed to backdate my old entries. wooo.

the big switch

after being corrected on the point that i had created a live journal not a blog i decided to check out this so called "blogger" for myself. miss lievers...well done. i like blogger better. so here i am. and let me tell you...this is almost as good as when i switched from a pc to a mac. almost. i may or may not put my few old posts on this new site. i suppose i will leave you in suspense. that is all for now.

did i miss the memo?

perhaps it's just something in the water but i am pretty sure the world may be coming to an end. since sunday, i have been contacted in some way by four of my ex-boyfriends. i should point out that while i do talk to one on a regular basis, the rest i have not seen in at least a year, let alone gotten together with. don't get me wrong, i am happy that we are now on good terms but four in one week? thats just absurd. i am convinced everyone is making their peace so that when the world ends in a few days their minds will be absolved of any guilt that may have been caused by our partings. in other news, just in case anyone else is wondering: firenze is italian for florence, not just a mythical place that is the cover art for many a tshirt. speaking of which, my family and i are finally getting our act together about this silly christmas in italy idea. my mom and i are going to gallavant in spain and morocco until my lil bro gets off school. we will then all meet up in spain for some good old spanish speaking fun. then off to a little villa in tuscany where we will spend the rest of the year occasionally jotting off for trips to rome and florence. it should be great. if anyone is going to be in europe for new years please tell me so we can play together.

what a weekend

rocha and i hit the road to say goodbye to stanny and some of our favorite girls. 4 am was obscene but totally worth it. seeing some the pi phis simply reaffirmed everything i started feeling last year...i am definitely in the right place. i had my doubts at first but everytime i am with those girls i have such a great time. and being away from them makes me realize how important they are to me and how great it is to be able to wander next door to laugh, vent, procrastinate, etc. i also got a chance to catch up with some girls from freshman year which was so good. for ALL parties involved.

sunday brought back a lot of feelings that i'd been trying to avoid since the beginning of summer. but i think it was just the anxiety of seeing patrick for the first time since we decided to end things. we had a really great time and i feel like i finally got that closure i had been needing. not to say that now i'm fine and it isn't difficult but just that i feel better about everything now than i have all summer. it's quite silly really because i know its for the best and that things will work out the way that they are supposed to but come on...everything happens for a reason makes a great cliche but it sucks in practice. the good thing is that in 16 days i will be 3000 miles away and have plenty to distract me. where did the summer go?

in the meantime i am so excited for erin to come visit san diego this weekend. knowing us, it will be epic.

summer days

so i finally decided to take advantage of my weekends and headed up to santa barbara with stephanie for a little mini reunion with some kids from stanny. conclusions from the trip: i am simply ridiculous. i did however have a superfun weekend full of hiking/scaling rocks, beaching and just having good times with some great people. melanoma non withstanding it was a success. on the drive home, steph and i pondered what seem to be a couple of the stanford dilemmas: in high school we were driven by the tangible goal of being accepted to a prestigious university. now that we are there, our goal oriented personalities feel a little lost. What is our new goal? Is it just that passion we have yet to find? Or are there just so many options that we can't focus all of our energies toward just one? And once we find that goal, how do we reconcile the fact that we want to fulfill our so called potential without sacrificing our family life? growing up with two parents who worked full time and were very good at what they did was not conducive to dad making it to my 5th grade play or mom waiting at home with an after school snack. And while as a result I am able to enjoy the lifestyle I have and i was given two positive role models, as a child i resented them not being there and vowed to be there for my kids. that all being said, i know that i would not be happy without a challenging career at which i could not only succeed but also feel was beneficial to others than myself.

i have to graduate in 2 years?

workin it

so i thought i'd jump on the bandwagon especially since i'll be taking off on all sorts of adventures soon. i've been working hard since june trying to scrape together enough money to fund my next two quarters abroad. it has been mildly successful. any and all donations will be accepted. being home is good but weird as always. as cliche as it may sound: you think you know people, and then they go and do something you never would have expected. people change i guess. or really, people don't change at all and that is the problem. it is sad though. good thing there are those people that no matter what, distance, time, change, you can rely on. real friends i suppose. thanks guys. i promise i'll try not to wax philosophical next time.